Tuesday, August 23, 2005
SCH IS DAMN BLOODY FUCKED UP. I JUST FEEL LYK SCREAMING N KILLING MYSELF SOMETIMES. can i just drop out of sch? -no i cant n it's pissing the hell out of me.
random thoughts at 7:58:00 AM
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
time passes so quickly when i'm in my hostel room.. it's passing much too quickly!
if only i can slp more n not b awake so much. going for tutorials is pure torture especially when u really, totally, completely, do
NOT noe how to do ur work :( i will go n slp now n pray hard dat i'll b on time for lesson tmr. oh. did i mention dat i hate doing presentations wk after wk n i hate having to meet up with my different grpmates
almost everyday? arghs.. *sigh* life sux!
random thoughts at 10:19:00 AM
Monday, August 15, 2005
suddenly feel q sad. was reading my archives cos i wanted to luk for a quote dat benj once sent to me. sth abt caterpillar n butterfly but i just cant rem wad exactly it is abt. i tot i'd have blogged it down but apparently i din. i'm not sure. anws, i was reading thru the stuff i wrote at dat time n it brought back fond memories of my then frenship with him. i'd call him sis n he'd call me bro, we'd go out n talk abt many different things.. i rem dat i lyked talking to him cos he often saw things from a different perspective from me n i found dat really refreshing. but he had to spoil it all by betraying me :( y? until now i still do not understand. did i over-react? i said in the past posts dat i felt my frenship with him was kinda like my frenship with pei, but y was the frenship so fragile? dat's probably sth dat i wld wonder abt for a longlong time..
random thoughts at 9:19:00 AM
Friday, August 12, 2005
munching on chips n buscuits while reading textbooks AFTER taking a nice afternoon nap. i'm going to b fatfatroundround soon. but hey, i din eat lunch okay.. haha
i'm almost always late for lectures/tutorials dat r in the morning cos me n my dear roomie r pigs who dun wanna get up n go to sch. bleahs.. my 2 toiletmates r.. wad's the opposite of pigs? haha they get up super early, n spend LOTS of time in the toilet dat we share. they shd pay part of my hostel fees for me man.. they use more water!
think the only gd thing abt starting sch is i finally got to c some frens who wld have otherwise disappeared from my life. i dun really bother to keep in contact with frens unless of cos, they bother to keep in contact with me. but dat's just ME. anw, back to wad i was saying.. i was so happy n pleasantly surprised to c jo ann in ntu! she's still as farny as ever. really missed her after our 1st 3mths at pjc. hm.. who else do i miss? no1 else. hahaha mayb not no1 lah. but i dun think there's any1 i missed more than jo ann back from my miserable days in nygh.
there's just a never-ending pile of tutorials to do, mountain-high stack of textbks to read, n ever-lasting source of notes to print n read. sigh.. not particularly enjoying my time in ntu. i only lyk it when i'm in my room slping n not having to think abt tutorials dat i can nv figure out n not having to face the shelf-full of textbks right in front of me when i sit at my study table. boo :(
my room is infested with ants n i really dunno y. there's no food in the places where they appear! lyk on the shelves where i put my bks n in the cupboard with my clothes (my underwear, to b precise), near my laptop?! we'v got some really hardworking ants, perverted ants n IT-savvy ants here in ntu. bleahs
going home to my mummy n daddy soon but i'm lazy to pack my clothes. gotta bring back some textbks to read n hopefully help me with my tutorials. but somehow, so far, i havent done much with the textbks dat i bring home during the wkends. dat's lyk so sad.. i just end up heaving them home, ONLY to bring them back 2 days later. wad's wrong with me? SUUUXXXXXX...
random thoughts at 2:53:00 AM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
growing weary, bowled off my feet, mind wavering.. everything once luked so perfect but seems lyk it's just a passing phrase, just a fleeting moment. for the 1st time since the beginning, i'm really starting to think, mayb there's really not dat much of a difference. i feel guilty abt thinking dis way but i cant help it. during lecture, i almost cldnt get a hold of myself. the wave of disappointment n frustration dat washed over me was so great i really just felt lyk breaking down. but of cos, after all dis time, i'v mastered the art of controlling my emotions. no1 even noticed dat there was sth wrong with me. but there's no sense of achievement. i was just too upset.
u both had ur own priorities, just different ones. perhaps i'm too demanding? i do not noe. mayb i did not realise ur priorities from the beginning as i did the lastime. or mayb it's just dat the situation has just presented itself more clearly to me at dis moment. nonetheless, i do not think i expect a lot. if there's no way to even meet my expectations, den as my marketing tutor wld say,
i'm a dissatisfied customer. but wld it really b better if i do not come back for more?i'm alr trying hard to make the ends meet. sumtimes i can get by just fine, sumtimes i'm really pleased, but recently i think i'v been feeling q negative abt it. is it bcos i'm not doing enuf? or does the problem lie elsewhere? i just cant put a finger to it. i noe there'r many things dat i do not noe n do not understand, but if the door is closed, how can i go in n try to make sense of wad's happening? how can i get close enuf to even just b there? open the door for me pls. let me in. i'm growing desperate.
i'm having so much difficulty surviving in dis present situation. i cant make sense of anything n there's no1 to help me. shd i just take the unnecessary load off my shoulders? i do not wan to let go of anything, but i'm afraid i cannot hold on much longer. it's all too heavy for me to carry.. if i give up, wld u forgive me?
random thoughts at 4:22:00 AM
Monday, August 01, 2005
haiz.. gotta choose to do electives to make up for the 20 extra AUs in my 3yrs in ntu n there's really nth really nice to choose so i'm doing practical anatomy n physiology, & yoga: physical, mental n social development. haha i choose the anatomy one only cos it's compulsory to do 1 science-related n 1 arts-related n the anatomy 1 is the only 1 w/o exams so yah. dat's the obvious choice for me since i'm totally not into sciences. yoga.. seems q fun n dun sound lyk there's a lot to study, so i also dunno wad's there to have exams on. haha yup :)
anw i'm starting to feel stressed man.. got lyk 101 textbks to study in 1 semester n i dunno how i'm going to do dat since i din even really touch my 2 textbks in JC n i only had 2 texts in dat 2yrs! lectures r q boring, dun really understand wad's being taught, too long nv study, cant absorb anything. so sian diao. arghs! :(
i hope tom is okay.. *prays*
random thoughts at 10:38:00 PM
